Saturday, October 14, 2017

Maybe 4th time will be a charm?

Thought I should give a little update.

First off, we have now tried three times for baby #2 with no success. This time around we will try NW Cryobank and have two vials shipped to us at home. Insemination will most likely run into our vacation to Disney but luckily C is driving with friends and they are fine with our sperm in toe, haha!

Here is a picture of the new donor we choose:

Reese and I will be taking a flight to and from, just the two of us. C wasn't sure she could get off and last minute she was able to! So since our friends are going at the same time we synced our plans and they offered to drive C to save on airfare.

In the mean time Reese got her tonsils and adenoids removed on 10/11/2017. The recovery has been a rough one so far, but she is one tough cookie. Around the clock pain medication and pushing to get her to drink and eat, it's like having a newborn all over again lol. We better get used to that! The total recovery shouldn't be more than 14 days (hopefully). We leave for Disney 10/26/2017 which is 15 days post op. Fingers crossed :)!

GRAPHIC PHOTO of Reese's surgical site:

I'll post an update as we get a bit closer to insemination/Disney! 

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Hello again

It's been a while! We held off on TTC until this past July. We are on try number 2 and currently in the TWW. Trying unmedicated natural cycles at least three times.

This TWW is killing me, currently 12DPO, period is due tomorrow or the next day. Still no BFP, not feeling very positive. I'm assuming AF will show soon enough. I feel like a spoiled brat, after getting lucky with Reese on the first try I expected this to be easier. But I also know the statistics, so I suppose this will teach me to be patient.

Reese is 3.5 almost 4 years old now! She is doing great. Back up to her age level with speech and consistently making strides. You would barely be able to tell that she is on the spectrum now, it's truly amazing. That being said she still has her moments/meltdowns (mostly sensory overload). Overall C and I are VERY HAPPY with all that she has accomplished since her diagnosis. Especially since we have had a lot of changes in the last two years.

C and I hit a huge bump in our marraige a little over a year ago. C revealed that she had an opioid addiction I was unaware of. At the same time I was experiencing medical issues of my own. While she was in rehab I underwent abdominal surgery to remove a benign mass from my abdomen. Both of us out of work, I was caring for Reese alone while recovering from surgery. Thankfully I had my family. I felt betrayed by C. Our whole life changed because of a poor decision. C lost her job, we lost the chance at two potential homes we wanted. C also revealed that she was gender confused, and I'm ashamed to admit that I simply could not handle that. After trying to go on T and moving forward with her recovery she realized she did not want to move forward with her transition. She had brutal side effects from T and I think she saw how broken we were. Things were confusing, I didn't understand substance abuse or what transgender meant for us. I didn't want to learn or move through it. I was too worried about my own feelings, my head was everywhere but my marriage.

Right after C got out of rehab my father got into a car crash and ultimately passed away after almost two months in the hospital. I was the decision maker for everything including withdraw of care. It was brutal. Just another punch in the gut for me. But after my fathers death I realized that I could either pick myself up and work on my marriage or walk away from everything we have built together.  I decided not to take the easy way out of my marriage. People make mistakes, and C and I still loved each other. So we went to therapy and slowly got back to our happy place. Hence why having another baby was put on hold. C is doing great with her recovery. WE truly are happy again.

So if you are having trouble in your marriage please don't throw in the towel, work on it. Because I can't imagine my life with anyone but C (and Reese of course). Sorry for the sob story.... to end things on a happy note here are some recent pictures of Reese, C and I.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

TTC Baby #2 @ home this summer

So after much discussion with C, we both want to try something different this time around. We loved Reciprical IVF and the whole experience but we want to try something a little more natural and more affordable. And if that doesn't work we always have that as a second or third option.

So we found 2 known donors that we like a lot, we will most likely go with our top pick as long as he is available come this June. This month I will start testing for ovulation and tracking my cycles a bit more. I started back on my prenatal vitamins as well. I will also try and lose some weight between now and go time. I didn't going into my cardiac issues in the past few months but I had to have another cardiac ablation. It was not expected and a bit scary (on my birthday). But all is well now.

Reesie cup is doing well and her Autism testing is Tuesday.  We are hoping for some answers. She is going to continue with her Early Intervention team and we are adding a behavioral therapist/wrap around services. But over all she is doing well, talking a lot more!

Monday, January 18, 2016

Reese is 2 years old! Baby number 2?

Okay so it's been a good while since I've updated. Life has been a bit hectic as I'm sure anyone can understand. Our summer flew by! In September we got to experience Disney World with Reese. It was a great trip, exhausting with a toddler but still great! Fall was filled with local festivities which are fun now that she is big enough for a lot more now. Reese turned 2 years old in November, I can't even believe it! She really is starting to look like a little girl now, where did my baby go!? 

As far as her global developmental delay goes, she is still about 8 - 10 months behind. She has pretty much every therapy under the sun at this point. She is starting to talk which is great! Her behavior and sensory issues have unfortunately gotten worse but I am hoping it's just her age and frustration from lack of communication. We are having her evaluated next week by a behavioral psychologist just in case as per OT suggestion. I am just now coming to terms with the whole thing. The developmental Pediatrician did not feel that she met the criteria for an Autism diagnosis this fall but we will see her again in March. She did say however, that she may be mildly autistic, time will tell. I read this the other day and it really is so true:

C and I are blessed with a beautiful little girl. Reese is taking us on an adventurous ride, good thing we love roller coasters!

Also, we moved out of our house in the suburbs and purchased a new build in Philadelphia! Our house will not be finished until August 2016, so we are crunched into an apartment for now. We are super excited for the move into the city. We love the area and will be super close to work. 

That being said our life is split between storage and the apartment. Reese's therapists changed. Just a whole lot of adjustment. And on top of all the craziness I still have baby fever! We are going to start trying for baby number two in the summer! I think this time around we are going to try at home with my eggs and donor sperm. We wanted to give something else a try, but would also love to do it the same way as before (reciprocal IVF). So who knows but for now I will start tracking at home and go from there.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Hello Summer!

Yay, it's summer! Too bad I am not a teacher, I would love to be off. But I can't complain since I do three 12 hours shifts that leaves room to have plenty of fun. We took a mini vacation in May to Great Wolf Lodge for C's birthday. It was a blast! We may take a trip to NJ shore for a few days in July but our main vacation will be Disney in September! My mom surprised us with a stay at the Animal Kingdom Villa with the whole family. C and I are very excited and can't wait for Reese to enjoy the happiest place on earth. 

Reese is doing very well. Her progress lately is unbelievable. She is starting to enjoy the park/playgrounds; actually going on the equipment (swings only with me). But that is so BIG for her. She does stairs now without melting down. She is starting to consistently babble and has a few words. She says up, bubble, and signs milk, more, all done, up, and music. We got EI to give speech therapy every 14 days. It's frustrating because she could use it once a week now that she wants to talk. Her engagement and mimicking are so much better! She still gets OT and SI which helps a lot. We are BUSY 5 - 6 therapy sessions a week. Daycare twice a week and she has swim Saturday mornings! All of that has led to her success :)! Here are some pictures from the last month:

Memorial Day 2015


Great Wolf Lodge for C's bday

Fashionista waiting at Theraplay

Reese loves her bike

First time on the slide without a meltdown; at daycare with her Special Instructor

Coloring at daycare

Sitting on a swing with mommy!

Philly Pride 2015

It was so hot!

Cooling off in the fountain

Walk with mommy


She started using the playground equipment this week!

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Moving forward

My life feels like it is stuck in fast forward these last few months. Ever since Reese's "issues" started our life has changed. In the very beginning I, of course thought the worst. I was taken over by the "mom guilt." While I can't say it's necessarily getting easier.... it's becoming more managable. Reese's delays are still there and they could possibly always be there. Only time will tell. The devastating part of all of this is the unknown. We have no idea what we are dealing with. The endless questions you ask yourself... Will she ever talk? Will she ever play like a normal kid? We see the developmental Pediatrician May 28th, I am hopeful for answers. I am dealing with so manys different feelings lately.

I am tired. Parenting is already exhausting. But parenting a special needs child takes things to another level of fatigue. Even if I've gotten a good night's sleep (which I rarely do), or have had some time off, there is a level of physical and emotional tiredness that is always there. Doctors' visits are not just a few times a year, they may be a few times a month. Therapies almost daily. Paperwork and bills stack up. It's never ending... or so it feels.

I am jealous. It's hard to admit, but it's true. When I see a baby do what my daughter can't, I feel a pang of jealousy. It hurts when I see my daughter struggling so hard to learn to do something that comes naturally to a typical kid, like climbing or pointing. It can be hard to hear about the accomplishments of my friend's kids. Sometimes, I just mourn inside for Reese, "It's not fair."

I feel alone. It's lonely parenting a special needs child. I can feel like an outsider around moms of typical kids. While I want to be happy for them, I feel terrible hearing them brag. Good for them, but it's so not what my world looks like. It's been a sanity saver to connect with other special needs moms.

I am scared. I worry that I'm not doing enough. What if I missed a treatment or a diagnosis and optimal treatment time has passed.

I am human. I have been challenged and pushed too far while raising my daughter so far. I've grown as a person, and developed a kinder heart and empathy for others in a way I never would have without her. But I'm just like the next mom in some ways. Sometimes I get cranky, my daughter irritates me, and sometimes I just want to run away. Sometimes it's nice to escape and talk about other things. And if it seems that my life is all I talk about sometimes, it's because it can be hard to talk about my daughter.

I want to talk about my daughter but it's hard to talk about my daughter. Reese is the most amazing thing to happen in my life. Some days I want to shout because of how sassy, funny and cute she is, or how she accomplished somehting new. When I'm having a rough day, I might not say much, I may just cry. But it doesn't mean that I don't want to learn how to share our life with others. It's very hard to deal with people saying, "She may just be learning at her own pace, she'll get out of it. She's fine." or "She still so young, relax." They are right she still is so young (1.5 years old). But that doesn't mean it's ok not to do the things she should be. I understand their intensions, they are trying to console me. But in doing so they are making me feel so defeated. One thing I always appreciate is whenever people ask me a more specific question about my daughter, like "How does Reese like daycare?" or "How's Reese's sign language coming along?" rather than a more generalized "How's Reese?" which can make me feel so overwhelmed that I usually just respond, "Good."

At the end of the day Chris and I are doing the best we can for our daughter and that's all that matters. Reese is making slow progress with therapy and daycare. We are taking one day at a time.

Saturday, April 4, 2015


Reesie girl is doing great! Since the last post we have made slow progress with several things. I had to fight like hell with my daughter's pediatrician to get Reese the help she needs. We are on the waiting list to see a developmental pediatrician. Can be up to 6 months!!!! And in the mean time I am switching her pediatrician. Chris and I are not happy with the one we have. Don't get me wrong she is a fantastic doctor but just not personable enough. I feel like we went through the same thing in pregnancy (switching from MD to widwife). The practice we are looking into was recommended to us by Early Intervention. The doctors are supposedly more developmentally focused and more personal with families. Just what we need! I think we are heading towards the direction of the diagnosis of a Sensory Processing Disorder.

I also had to push a bit to get OT on board with Reese. Not so much from the outpatient theraplay but from EI. Reese now sees Speech and OT at Theraplay. EI sent out an OT consult and she will visit once more in April and we will re-assess in May with our whole EI team. Her EI special instructor is growing on me a bit. I think rather than just tell me what to do now she knows I need her to show me etc.

Speech wise she is babbling so much more! She also waves bye bye now and does "SO BIG." Yay for progress.

Another thing I guess I never realized was that Reese barely crawled as a baby. Which has now shed some light to why she may have depth perception issues along with low muscle tone in her hips and mid section. Also, not helping with her reflux. Her reflux got better for a little while so we took her off medication. But now that she is not sleeping at night it occurred to me that this might be why. So I tried Maalox last night, and she slept a little better than usual. I will approach restarting meds with the new pediatrician. But tone wise for now Chris and I will try to build her core strength with baby play sit ups and climb exercises. I think PT will be in her future but I am so not ready to start that, especially because she is ambulating fine for now.

The tantrums have become manageable and a little less frequent. We are also starting her in a daycare for socialization this Tuesday. I am so nervous how she will cope. Hell I am nervous how I will cope lol. But Chris and I think she needs it. It may even help her flourish.

Here are some pictures are recent adventures:

She obviously LOVED him!


She loves her swim class!