The call that has made my nerves 10x worse :(

So, I got my Quad Screen done last Thursday. And to be honest at first I had no worries, but all of the sudden yesterday I kept getting this gut feeling that something may come back abnormal. The woman from the Hospital lab called to get more information on how my due date was calculated (I explained that I did IVF and it went by egg retrieval and embryo transfer). But something about that call put a red flag up in my brain. And since has been occupying a lot of space.

Today I woke up pretty late in the morning around 10:00am and immediately texted my wife to see if the results were in the computer at her work. She works in an ER so of course probably has not had a chance to do this yet. But I didn't need to wait for her to look at the results. My mid-wife called me and asked if I have seen the results yet, and I told her I hadn't. She then continued to say that my Quad Screen came up abnormal and that I am at high risk for having a baby with Down's Syndrome. My exact risk is 1 in 45. Which means 1 in every 45 women who get this result have a baby with Down's Syndrome. I know that this is not always accurate but that is not good enough to make my worries go away.

It took everything in me not to break down and cry on the phone with her. But as soon as I hung up the tears immediately streamed down my face. And as I write this I am still crying. I am very scared to say the least. And I can't say scared of the unknown because I think I am scared since I actually know too much (about the possibilities that is). I go to see the Perinatologist (the high risk doctor) tomorrow, which was initially just since I had a cardiac history but now my mid-wife told me to mention this result to them. She also said they should offer me more genetic testing as well. I can't lie and say I am not bitter because I begged for the Maternit21 test so badly in the beginning to calm my nerves and was denied because I did not qualify. I AM BITTER ABOUT THAT. My mind is racing, there are a million things running through my brain. I wish I could cuddle up to my wife so I could feel better. I haven't even had a chance to talk to her yet since she is working. So I needed to vent and this is the best place to do it.

The plan as of now is to have all day to be scared and upset and maybe even angry. But after today I will promise myself to stay strong no matter what the result is. This baby is still a blessing and God will only give my wife and I what we can handle. And Down's Syndrome is not the worst diagnosis. Many babies do well and most people with Down's can live a full and happy life. So, until tomorrow I just need to hang in there and try with all my might to stay positive.

And on that note, my baby girl is moving around like crazy. I love feeling her kicks. And it still boggles my mind that there is a little baby inside of me. My wife and I were listening to her on the doppler last night, it's so amazing. My wife talks to my belly all the time, she is too cute :).

I will post an update tomorrow evening after my appointment. Fingers crossed for good news!