Uneasy & 23 weeks tomorrow

Uneasy is definitely one way to describe my feelings lately.

Today is day four of wearing the cardiac monitor and every single day I have gotten a phone call from my cardiologist. The cardiac monitoring group has capture many events and the most severe so far has been my heart rate at 180 beats per minute on Tuesday. So, my cardiologist has increased my medication to twice a day. I started the new dose Tuesday evening and while I still feel the AFIB, my heart rate seems to be under control. Also, on Tuesday we saw the Perinatalogist, who was awesome and basically said we are doing all the right things and that the baby will most likely be unaffected by the treatment.

Well that was until today..... My cardiologist called me this morning and wants me to start taking a 325mg aspirin daily (since I have been mostly in AFIB). Me, being a NICU nurse knows this is not good for the baby at all. Major risks like low amniotic fluid and premature closure of the hole in the heart (PDA). So, I put a call out to the perinatalogist again and he personally returned my call very promptly (which was great!). He feels as though if I need to be on a blood thinner for risk of clotting while in AFIB, he wants to start with an 81mg dose of aspirin. The lower dose poses less risk to Reese. Another idea is possibly subcutaneous lovenox. So, I am waiting to hear back from my cardiologist and hopefully we can find a happy medium. I think I am even more nervous about all of this because Reese is not even viable yet. Not that I am hoping for a 24 week baby but I would feel much better if she had at least a 50% chance of survival versus a 30% chance (right now). I hope this week flies by, tomorrow with be 23 weeks.

My mid-wife is thankfully still comfortable with seeing us! I need to go back for another US on August 27th since Reese was such a wiggle worm last time. Sounds good to me :). They just need to get better views of her heart and palate (no issues just need clarity). Also, I found my first stretch marks! Very small and pinkish. So, I invested in Bio-Oil. Who knows whether it will help, but I am willing to try!

On another uneasy note... I got a call from my mother today that my uncle hung himself. My poor grandmother found him. I have to say I feel sad... but mostly for my grandmother, my mom and his siblings, as well as his poor children. He has struggled with depression since the age of 17. And on top of that he has had drug and alcohol problems for a long while now. My mom and grandmother have tried so hard to help him in the last few months, between moving him to Philly from Arizona, putting him in rehab etc. Nothing has helped. My mom tried to 302 him the other day and my poor grandmom feel for his tricks again and they let him go with her. And now today she was faced with the seen she will never be able to forget. It's truly terrible what addiction can do. I feel terrible for all of the people he left behind. I also feel for him, it's a shame he could never get ahold of his problems, and even more sad that he felt compelled to take his own life.