Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Hello again

It's been a while! We held off on TTC until this past July. We are on try number 2 and currently in the TWW. Trying unmedicated natural cycles at least three times.

This TWW is killing me, currently 12DPO, period is due tomorrow or the next day. Still no BFP, not feeling very positive. I'm assuming AF will show soon enough. I feel like a spoiled brat, after getting lucky with Reese on the first try I expected this to be easier. But I also know the statistics, so I suppose this will teach me to be patient.

Reese is 3.5 almost 4 years old now! She is doing great. Back up to her age level with speech and consistently making strides. You would barely be able to tell that she is on the spectrum now, it's truly amazing. That being said she still has her moments/meltdowns (mostly sensory overload). Overall C and I are VERY HAPPY with all that she has accomplished since her diagnosis. Especially since we have had a lot of changes in the last two years.

C and I hit a huge bump in our marraige a little over a year ago. C revealed that she had an opioid addiction I was unaware of. At the same time I was experiencing medical issues of my own. While she was in rehab I underwent abdominal surgery to remove a benign mass from my abdomen. Both of us out of work, I was caring for Reese alone while recovering from surgery. Thankfully I had my family. I felt betrayed by C. Our whole life changed because of a poor decision. C lost her job, we lost the chance at two potential homes we wanted. C also revealed that she was gender confused, and I'm ashamed to admit that I simply could not handle that. After trying to go on T and moving forward with her recovery she realized she did not want to move forward with her transition. She had brutal side effects from T and I think she saw how broken we were. Things were confusing, I didn't understand substance abuse or what transgender meant for us. I didn't want to learn or move through it. I was too worried about my own feelings, my head was everywhere but my marriage.

Right after C got out of rehab my father got into a car crash and ultimately passed away after almost two months in the hospital. I was the decision maker for everything including withdraw of care. It was brutal. Just another punch in the gut for me. But after my fathers death I realized that I could either pick myself up and work on my marriage or walk away from everything we have built together.  I decided not to take the easy way out of my marriage. People make mistakes, and C and I still loved each other. So we went to therapy and slowly got back to our happy place. Hence why having another baby was put on hold. C is doing great with her recovery. WE truly are happy again.

So if you are having trouble in your marriage please don't throw in the towel, work on it. Because I can't imagine my life with anyone but C (and Reese of course). Sorry for the sob story.... to end things on a happy note here are some recent pictures of Reese, C and I.




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