Sunday, January 27, 2013


So... It's Sunday evening (or so I think lol night shift messes with me). Only two more day until our appointment. I am super excited for that but I'm also newly nervous!!!

I think last night at work is what is making me incredibly nervous to start a family. Since I work in the NICU I see some pretty sick newborns/infants which I can handle. What I can't handle is seeing just how much can go wrong in the womb/during conception.  Last night I saw a baby that was unbelievably misshapen and sick but even worse that baby was totally mentally aware. The baby's fate is imminent... Death. But it's not just that simple (as if death ever is). Death takes time. It involves no treatment to fix the things that are so wrong and not feeding or hydrating the baby. It seems so cruel to do this. We are suppose to save these  babies not help kill them. It's hard because we know that the abnormalities are incompatible with life in the future but in the now the baby is very much alive. I can't even imagine what I would do if this was my baby.

I understand this is very rare but seeing this has opened my eyes to how blessed people are to have a normal pregnancy and healthy children. That is what I am going to hope and pray for!


  1. I was wondering how long it would be before you posted something like this. Working as a nurse I always see someone or something that reminds me of a family member or friend. It also helps me not to take anything for granted. Eventually you will get to a point where you don't bring every patient home with you ( I admit I am not there yet myself!) Right now just try to enjoy this amazing process you are about to embark on!

  2. It was rare for me to bring patients home with me when I worked with adults. But peds is whole different ball game. Especially because I want a baby so badly lol.

    1. Oh yeah girl! I did two rotations in PICU and NICU and knew I couldn't handle it because of my baby obsession-but I hope to make my way back eventually :) at least you will have all this medical knowledge when your bundle comes!!!